We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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