two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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