i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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