you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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