I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
