I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize