remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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