You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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