yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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