After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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