i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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