He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
