God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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