The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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