Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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