mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im holly from the hills drunk
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
