I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
