I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
