she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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