Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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