booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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