She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
