drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize