Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize