i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
