i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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