I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
