____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
