What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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