You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
