Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize