I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
