You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
