Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The Olympian is in my bed
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize