i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize