At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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