Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I lost the right to judge tonight
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
