rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
