Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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