Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
