We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
