Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
