Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
