i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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