I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They took my balls.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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