She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
