She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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