I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
