He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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