M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
