I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
