You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
