On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
