He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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