Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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