we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
