I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
