don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
