I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
