your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
