my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
