Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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