You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
