i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize