Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
