It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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