I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
