Four minutes until I can fart!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
