dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You've changed since you got that strap on
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
