I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm always down for nudity.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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