and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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