Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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