in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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