Only a mothe r could love this liver
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
