The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
