also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
