if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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