Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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