The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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