So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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