I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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