It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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