i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
