She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
