Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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