wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
