Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
