Swine flu is the new snow day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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