I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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